Lonesome Traveller

Believe it or not...

2008-02-15T10:53:00.002-05:00

Buzzgrinder.com actually interviewed me yesterday.

haha, i didn't want to say anything until it went up.

this is awesome.

music man

2008-02-14T13:00:00.002-05:00

i've been surprised i haven't been writing a lot while on this trip (other than the blog, i mean).

i have my guitar and all, but i've only ocassionally brought it out. i had kinda figured i'd have all these things to write about, and well, haha i probably do if any of you have been reading.

but i dunno. i think i'll just head to a park or something today, clear my head and just ramble on the guitar until something comes.

or maybe an asteroid will fall on me on the way to my car. who knows, these days...

maker's mark

2008-02-13T17:11:00.003-05:00

i had way too much last night. i am still in pain.

and according to a comment on my last post, Victory included their news post about me in their newsletter.

haha. at least it's getting people to read the blog.

i need food.

Veal Chop called me last night. Seriously. "I'm sorry dude, i didn't mean for you to find out this way...".

why do people say that? what better way is there to find out about that? he acts like he was going to do me a favor.

oh well.

when it fucking rains...

2008-02-12T19:20:00.000-05:00

seriously. i can't win.

i just heard about all this, and i mean, i guess i'm flattered that "they support me."

but jesus christ, hacking victory's website? I ALREADY COMPLIED. i am not trying to hurt anyone. fuck, farewell to freeway is my favorite new band. i haven't been so into a band like that in so long. now this?

i don't need anymore crazy shit happening to me.
goddamn it, i almost wish i never put up those songs, or better yet, started this damn road trip.

what the hell else could possibly happen to me?

Kerouac must be laughing his ass off in his wandering grave, and if i knew where it was, i'd spit on it for getting hyped about traveling.

ok well no, but seriously. i don't even know what to say.
i just love music, i am not a hacker, and i do not know any hackers.

wow. i need a drink.

of all the things...

2008-02-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

i got some messages about my post yesterday, and people are confused.
and not without surprise, as after all, i came to whatever fucking revelation i had about how much i missed samantha. i almost even went back home, for her.

until she broke up with me.

she read my post about what happened in Atlantic City. it's my own fucking fault for leaving it up, yeah whatever. but that's not even the worst part. at least that's understandable.

the worst, is that she fucked my best friend, Veal Chop.

on top of all the craziness that's been going on, my best friend fucked my (ex) girlfriend.
so what can i say, maybe i was emotional, maybe whatever, so i wrote that my thoughts on farewell’s lemmings song, cause at least michele is someone that has touched me and made me have hope.

Michele wrote an email about the leak thing, and well, what can i say, she was very sweet about it, like she was when i met her back in December. so i just started writing. i can wallow in all of this misery but i also have hope and faith that there is something else i can get out of this damn trip i'm on.

i have dreams and i'd like to think that something's there. i can't stop thinking about her. i hope she believes in fate. maybe it is fate, after all, i met Michele and the band right when i decided to make this trip. i wonder what she'd say if i saw her again?

anyway, laugh all you want, poetic justice, or whatever the fuck, cause i don't need it right now.

not giving in...

2008-02-11T18:04:00.001-05:00

the majority of you have stated that I should remove these tracks. i am doing so because that is what the majority of you said was the right thing to do. so i am posting links to the band’s mySpace pages (on the right) in case you want to check out their music. what is the difference anyway, right? this should make everyone happy.

hahah i mean really. i gave some good promo to some bands that i like and met. i am really falling in love with farewell to freeway especially. i can understand to a point why the bands were upset and why they had victory have a cease and desist sent to me. tony at victory was actually cool about everything and told me that the bands were upset when i did not listen to them and that he has to defend them when asked. michele from farewell sent a nice message as well. so if i offended you i am sorry. sometimes my passion can take over but i never wanted to hurt anyone.

in other news i am not going home. i am going to “keep on truckin’” as they say down here. i am meeting too many great people and have a feeling these experiences will be with me forever.

A lemming for love

2008-02-11T13:47:00.000-05:00

the farewell to freeway track lemmings has been stuck in my mind for weeks. especially since meeting their keyboardist michele back in december. i have never met such an honest artist that I feel I connected with so quickly. she has such strong qualities about her and a very magnetic vibe. i have had a feeling in my stomach ever since. it is weird and hard to explain. a bond was made within myself. i cannot stop thinking about her and the few moments where she spoke to me. I know we are thousands of miles away but I feel a connection. should I head west to California or go north and go home? has anyone else met someone and felt an immediate connection that cannot be explained. some of the lyrics from lemmings make me feel like we are somehow connected on a higher level.

HOW GREAT IT IS TO FEEL THAT YOU’RE ALIVE!

the music and the experience of meeting you have made me feel very alive. so much so that I cannot explain it.

MEANWHILE, SHE SLEEPS WITH HER OWN DREAMS AND NEVER STIRS, AND NEVER AWAKES, THEN THERE’S ME.

do you think of me? did I make an impression? did we connect on any level? do we have the same dreams (ever???) I am here but you are so far away. do we have a link? all I can do is look at the two photos I have and listen to the music and think. and dream. and wonder.

LOST, I’VE LOST YSELF IN ALL OF THIS?

am I just lonely? Was it the time and place? I do not want to be lost. i want to be found. maybe we can find something together?

THE WORLD I KNEW BEFORE NO LONGER EXISTS.

things feel like they are changing. different. maybe because the road is getting to me. maybe I am discovering who I really am. maybe the same is happening for you. or maybe, you have forgotten about me.

good lord

2008-02-10T18:28:00.000-05:00

who knew it was that easy to rouse a sleeping giant.

i haven't taken anything down, and i have no plans to.
while i'm normally a rational person, (which you'd know if you've been reading), this whole leak thing has been quite amusing.

in other news, i think i am going to get back on my trip, and visit one last city before headed back to Canada. i was able to get some money wired to me, and i got my window fixed on my car. i think i'm going to Atlanta. maybe even hedge my bets and go to california. or some place 'round there.

blog later...

now, i am just going to be a prick

2008-02-08T14:06:00.000-05:00

so now Victory’s bands are sending people to harass me.

like it wasn't enough they use some cease and desist scare tactic yesterday on me, but now kids are coming to me from EVERYWHERE because these bands bitched to their label to make a fucking news post about it.

i was actually going to take the shit down, but fuck it. this is bullshit harassment. this is way out of control, i am way too far from home, and i just don't need this anymore. and frankly i don't care. maybe I will just go to mexico.

here's all the stuff you want, Victory. listen and enjoy courtesy my blog oh yeah and the cheque is in the mail.

*i took these down*

you delete them.

oh my god

2008-02-07T16:18:00.000-05:00

i think i am going to head back home next week.

money's finally running out, i kinda miss home, and stuff seems to be worked out with Samantha.

this trip's been awesome, but apparently not awesome enough that i'm still willing to trade the warm weather of South Carolina for the freezer that's Ontario, haha.

naw, this has been awesome actually. especially the cougars.

EDITED BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THIS WHOLE THING IS FUCKED.

It turns out Across Five Aprils and Victory Records ACTUALLY ARE GOING TO SUE ME.
I just got a Cease and Desist letter in my email from Victory's attorneys.

I ~~am going to post a picture of the letter in a little bit~~ have posted pics as proof that i am about to lose my mind. i don't knwo what to do. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS CRAP!

=============================

MELONI & MCCAFFREY, P.C.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
1350 Avenue of the Americas
Suite 3100
New York, N.Y. 10019
Telephone: (212)957-5577
Facsimile: (800)659-3985

BY E-MAIL February 7, 2008

Mr. Chris Xavier
chrisX519@gmail.com
Ontario, Canada

Re: “Lonesome Traveler” Web Blog

Dear Mr. Xavier:

This firm is litigation counsel for Victory Records, Inc. (“Victory”). I am writing in connection with the series of recent postings on your “Lonesome Traveler” web blog. In those postings you have published and/or provided access to videos and/or sound recordings of live and/or unreleased versions of songs owned and controlled by Victory, including, but not limited to Farewell to Freeways’ song “Lemmings”, Secret Lives of Freemasons’ song “Airplane”, Dead to Fall's song "Cropgrower" and Across Five Aprils’ song “This Means Not Welcome” (the “Songs”). In addition to owning the sound recordings and musical compositions, Victory also owns and controls all rights to the name and likenesses of each of those bands.

Your conduct constitutes, among other things, copyright infringement under the laws of the United States.

We will assume, for purposes of this letter only, that until now you have been unaware that your conduct exposes you to legal liability. However, you are hereby placed on notice that Victory will hold you fully responsible for any damages arising from the illegal publication of the Songs, unless, by 5 P.M. Eastern Time, on February 8, 2008, you: (i) remove the Songs from the Lonesome Traveler website and any other websites maintained, owned, controlled or operated by you, including, without limitation, your MySpace website; (ii) that you disable all links to those Songs on those websites; and (iii) that you provide us with written confirmation that you have done so. We also demand that you identify the sources that provided you with the video and/or audio recordings of the Songs that you have posted on your websites.

Your failure to comply with the foregoing demands will leave our client with no choice other than to commence legal proceedings against you and all other parties responsible for these copyright infringements in a court of appropriate jurisdiction. Should that occur, our client shall seek, without limitation, injunctive relief and money damages, including statutory damages and attorneys fees.

This letter is not intended to be a complete statement of the facts or the law relevant to this matter and is written without prejudice to the legal and/or equitable rights and remedies of our clients. Any and all such rights and/or remedies, whether or not referred to in this letter, are hereby expressly reserved.

Very truly yours,

MELONI & McCAFFREY, P.C.

Lonesome Traveller

2008-02-04T11:24:00.000-05:00

So I think I am going to head back to Ontario.

This trip has been amazing. Minus all the bullshit with Across Five Aprils. Apparently they asked kids to come harass me again, but oh well. Rather that then legal action.

Well i dunno, i may hang around here (South Carolina, Myrtle Beach to be exact) a little while longer. The weather's pretty decent, should be 65 degrees today. And of course, I like seeing the ocean. It's hard to imagine not being able to see the end of something, to see how expansive and so much like the sky something can be.

But at the same rate, I am getting a bit homesick. And I miss Samantha. I was at a pub last night watching the Super Bowl (fuck yes, Giants. don't give a fuck about the team but i do love me an upset), and made friends with a dude there. The place had free italian beef and meatballs for the game, it was amazing. Salt of the earth types packed into a hole in the wall.

Anyway, back on topic, at some point in the night I'm explaining why I'm out here when his girlfriend calls him. He looked quite disappointed, maybe even dreadful. He proceeds to get into an intense argument, which I got the feeling they've had many times before. I tried not to eavesdrop, but the dude was right next to me. Afterwards, we talked about it a bit.

It's almost hilarious how similar their relationship was to mine and Sam's. Such petty and inconsequential things that are simple feints hiding the real issues people don't want to talk about (she complained about how he text messaged "luv" instead of "love" to her, taking it to mean he didn't mean it). It made me think about me and Sam, of course, as well as relationships in general.

With my previous girlfriend, i don't think we ever fought. Maybe once, in three years. And before that, I don't think I've ever fought with whoever i was with, though with Sam it's like every week. And the rational part of me would have had me leave her after the second or third time. Maybe even the first. But i stayed with her, and her with me. People say that's just how relationships are, and I think it's bullshit, even though I'm living it.

There is no reason for things to be like that, especially since I have to repeat myself over and over again to Sam when she already knows the truth about something but seems to want to argue just to see if I even care. It's so draining, but I miss her more than anything.

And I have no idea why, it makes no sense, but i suppose it doesn't need to.

Anyway, the sun's out. I need to go outside.

Peace.

Anyways...

2008-01-29T12:23:00.000-05:00

well it seems kids are leaving me alone now.
i haven't heard anything else about a lawsuit or anything, but i apparently won an award

in any case, i think i am going to head to charleston or myrtle beach in South Carolina.

it'd be nice to see the ocean in warmer weather than when i was in New York.

this might be my final stop, i am not sure.
i got a little bit of money from my parents, mainly for the window of my car. i dunno, i am going to see if i can try to play a show or something to try and get some cash. the only thing is that like, outside of playing shows, i don't know if i'd need to get some kind of visa or permit if i picked up some actual job somewhere. i don't even know if i would want to go through all that hassle as it is.

i talked to Samantha last night. she heard about the whole fracas and called to see how i was doing. then we just kinda bullshitted a bit. made her laugh a couple times, which was good to hear.

i'd also like to thank Jeff from ap.net for being real cool to me throughout this whole thing. haha i think it's rather ironic that this whole thing started with some Kerouac inspiration, and the dude who's been coolest to me throughout the thing goes by Neo Cassady.

i'll have to buy him a beer if i cross his path on this trip.

time for food.

Fuck "If life gives you lemons..."

2008-01-28T13:24:00.000-05:00

So I have been away from my computer over the weekend, and now I am apparently I am going to be SUED.

Are you fucking kidding me? Because I posted a song? For helping a band out?

First off, let me clear shit up.

we know for sure it was him.. he did it in a real shitty way.. we were allhanign out on the buss and we let him hear it cause he was being cool at the time… he snuck behind our back to steal the only copy of the record that exists..

BULLSHIT.
We were all drunk on Maker's Mark, and they fucking gave it to me. They didn't say anything about an exclusive copy or no other copy existing. And if it was, they should have been more careful with it.

I have enough goddamn drama going on right now, that I do not need to worry some band with lots of money on a record label complaining because a song inevitably leaked onto the internet and their hypocrite friends harassing me even though I bet they all downloaded the goddamn song anyway.

if life gives you lemons...

2008-01-25T12:20:00.000-05:00

well i am going to hang around here for a while, on the advice of a cool guy from absolutepunk.net

i think i am going to try to gig around a bit for some extra scratch. or something, i dunno. play on the street or something. i hope i don't need to get a permit.

haha and as for my car, i have quite a few layers of saran wrap duct taped over the window (back passenger's side, thank god for small favors).

it's a sight to see.

You've got to be kidding me

2008-01-23T13:28:00.001-05:00

i was robbed last night.

specifically, my car was broken into.

this is fucking crazy. i have to get a new window, which is going to cost waaay more than what i have. which i suppose is fine right now, but going back, i am going to fucking freeze.

goddamnit goddamnit goddamnit

i don't know what to do. they took my GPS thing. yeah, it's my own goddamn fault for leaving it in there, but i don't even care about that, i can use a map but i am freaking out about this window. i don't even know how much it will cost.

god i am rambling now.

this fucking sucks.

Homeboy Hotel

2008-01-22T23:54:00.000-05:00

sorry for the small pictures.

i'm in asheville, north carolina right now (as of Sunday, i got there faster than i anticipated).
haven't done too much crazy stuff. i went to a place called Stella Blue to catch a show, ended up making friends and all that. i find it surprisingly easy to meet people once i mention my trip. i usually start with Kerouac, which is met half the time with enthusiasm, and the other half with "who?". saying "I'm from Canada, eh?" usually does the trick.

i don't understand the American fascination with "eh". i don't even say "eh" outside of those situations. though i suppose i also don't understand things about the States either. none come to mind, though.

anyway, i ended following some people to some place called Homeboy Hotel. oooh man. what a place. here's a bit of a rundown, what i learned about it in my drunken stand there:

Christmas tree has been up for 7 months
drunken debauchery, a sin bin. hell on earth, but sooo, sooo fun.
4 bedroom 2 bathrooms
lorded over by Justin and Gay Chase.
Gay Chase is their in house gay guy
Will no longer in existence at the end of this month.

try to imagine that. as i don't think i am going to post too much more here, for reasons wrapped in *'s later.

i called Samantha when i got here Sunday. she answered this time. it's so...awkward isn't even the right word...i don't know. Cold. we talked for a little while, just about small talk bullshit as if we had just met each other. *she's read my blog*, it seems, which made things ultra-tense, but nothing came of it. the long silences between words argued and spoke enough for us

there was just a lingering disappointment in her voice, which made me uneasy.

sigh.

----

in lighter news, here's today's music bits. some video, some audio.

first some videos. sorry they're broken up. they're from back when i saw Across Five Aprils. kinda crap quality too. oh well.

***i removed these***

/////////////////

Check this shit out. Andreas Kapsalis Trio. the guy plays the guitar like a piano, 8 finger tapping or whatever, with two drummers. and i think he plays "drums" on the body of his guitar too. intense stuff.

/////////////////

New Mars Volta video, Ilyena

/////////////////

No songs to post, but check out Portugal. The Man anyway

/////////////////

i'm thinking of starting to post full albums even. unless links are just fine with you guys.

Jesus

2008-01-20T21:08:00.001-05:00

so i had to deal with a firestorm of threats and insults all weekend because of music i've been posting.

this has been way ridiculous. my bad for trying to help out bands i like.

whatever. people act like i killed a member of a band. this will probably piss more people off but whatever, it will probably increase tickets sold also. if you guys are pissed off i am sharing music, either stop reading the blog or go help the artists if you like them. i've got to fill time between more interesting stories on this trip anyway.

don't have much music for today. just a Dead to Fall video i found online of a new song, which i ripped and put on youtube

***i removed this***

anyway.
i'm off to North Carolina.

blog later.

Still here...

2008-01-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

So i'm still here in tennessee.

So far, the trip has been like one of those scenes in a movie, where it's a montage of nonstop excitement, and then reality or some other kind of evil sets in

As such, I had been on a roll on this trip without a destination, and I suppose the "without a destination" part is setting in finally. While that is no great evil, the amount of money I spent, and have yet to spend is a looming one.

Not unexpected, but enough to give me pause. At least in the sense of I want to have a little more of a plan, especially should something drastic or desperate happen.

In any case, sitting around has given me time to reflect, which for this blog usually means longer than necessary posts, haha.

First and foremost, I haven't thought about Samantha at all. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, yeah, now that i take the time to think of her, I miss her. Perhaps that is my reality check, the whole reason I am even on this trip is because of her. I don't even know what she's doing, how she feels about my being gone, etc.

I'm sure I can imagine, or I could just check her myspace or facebook or whatever. But I don't feel compelled to at all. And that's what is making me uneasy about it.

If you've read this at all, you've seen my post about cougars. Not once, did it cross my mind as to what she would think if she ever read it, nor did she enter my mind at all when it was actually happening. Any spiritual, practical, or useful enlightenment or growth I wanted out of this seems to be supplanting everything I held as "mine" or "myself" before.

Of course, I may also just be hungover. And, I've just been away from everything for so long, I imagine teh sentiment may change when I get back.

Damn, I haven't even talked to my family, nor anyone from home, now that I think about it.

I'm also wondering about money. I'd like to still keep out here, maybe head to Florida or chill out till Mardi Gras, but I will definitely need to make some money if I do. I can probably stay out till sometime in February, but if I try to work it ou (which I did), something cool or big will have to happen by the 19th. In whatever drunken mathemagical haze I was in, budgeting my remaining funds led to that date as doomsday.

I do have my guitar though, I could probably do some open mics or something. Gigs.

Anyways, and speaking of which, I've been spending time crawling through the racks of record stores and I've seen a couple shows, all that.

This is basically just a dump of stuff I've come across or already had:
Some band called Secret lives. shitty quality, but it gets the point across.

***i removed these***

Here's a band called Inchworm, a Sparklehorse/Wilco style band.
Lost Days

Tom Schraeder and His Ego, Ryan Admas/Paul Westerberg style. poppy, but he's got hooks for days, man.
Easy Way To Cry

hey whatever, this whole ramblin' man trip makes me feel like listening to singer-songwriter shit.

backstage somewhere in Lexington:

mmmm. maker's mark.

If you told me a year ago...

2008-01-11T12:14:00.000-05:00

So i'm here in Johnson City, Tennessee. Got here yesterday.

This has cost more than I anticipated. But that's fine.
I'm still having a good time.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I have just been spending more and more time driving as well as outside of whatever motel I end up staying at. I'll do a little catch-up.

One of the nights in Atlantic City, I was relaxing in the bar in the Borgata Casino, just minding my own, and a woman next to strikes up some conversation. Straight cougar style. I only say that cause I called my friend Veal Chop back in Ontario, and he told me that's what you call a woman that hits on younger men. I don't know why, but I find that the most hilarious thing I've ever heard.

In any case, she's a graphic design teacher from Minnesota, early 30s, in town for the weekend visiting friends who are also milling around the casino. The conversation is fueled by gin and tonics and a mutual respect for Pearl Jam. Her friends came by, and we went to a bar called Gypsy Bar. Swanky.

The usual ingredients come together for what usually comprises a cliche course of these kinds of nights: sitting closer, leaning in closer to talk, more drinks, the occasional light touch, drinks, eyes connect, an inviting smile that parts lips for a surprisingly bad kiss.

Seriously, disappointing. But at the moment, inconsequential. Hormones driven by lust, loneliness, and alcohol tend to make anything else inconsequential.

Everything seems to be going toward it's inevitable conclusion, until, for some unimaginable reason, she tells me she's married. Somehow, I honestly missed the gigantic rock on her finger. Seriously, it was huge. I'm sure she could sense my confusion/frustration as she started rambling off into justifications: 'You're so much more interesting than he is', 'I wish I never got married', 'Guys don't pay attention to me anymore', etc.

I almost started laughing. Why on EARTH would you bring that up? AFTER making it to teh point where you're going to take someone home with you?

I look past her at her friends, who are also either making out with or flirting with guys at the bar, and she mentions that they are ALSO married.

A pack of cougars, all with oblivious mates somewhere else in the wilds of Atlantic City.

I decided to make it back to my hotel, sans cougar(s). Yeah, I know I should have just gone through with it anyway. There was no way I'd have to deal with any jealous husbands or whatever. But I guess that's just not my scene.*

...

There's not too much else that's worthy of writing down.

I didn't make it to D.C. cause of some brake issues with my car, so I went straight through Lexington to Loretto, Kentucky for a couple days. Went to the Maker's Mark distillery and considered accidentally falling into the fermenting vat and drinking my way out.

Made it to Loretto into a Holiday Inn and took in the local record stores and a shows, got some footage and music of some also. I'll post it later though, as I'm headed out to catch whatever nightlife the local venues can offer.

Sans cougar, please.

*no, i have not forgotten about my issues with same. believe me, there's plenty more i can write on that, and most likely will over the weekend.

Making My Mark..so to speak

2008-01-08T12:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the Bonneville, I have missed my shot at D.C. I was looking forward to seeing the White House and other historical landmarks. This roadtrip is turning out alright so far other than that, I've got stories for a lifetime. I am halfway to my next destination, which is Loretto, Kentucky to celebrate my love of whiskey. I will be visiting the Maker's Mark distillery. I hear they give free dips to those of age. I hope they know what they're in for...shit, I hope I know what I'M in for.

I may swing back up to Lexington to catch some local music and enjoy my Maker's. Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to say hello if you are out there.

also...

2008-01-07T20:26:00.000-05:00

i'm on the way to D.C.

Hectic

2008-01-07T20:21:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of updates.

Shit has been hectic recently, with weather and money.
I'll update this soon. No bad stories.

For example, one of the stories involves cougars.

you know what i mean...

Atlantic City, Music Thoughts, Samantha, and Food

2008-01-03T10:58:00.000-05:00

So I am at the Borgata Casino in Atlantic City.
I'm gonna head to the buffet soon, but I figured I'd give an update.

Darren just took off back to New York, so I'm back on my own again.I'm here for two more days, and I'm thinking I'm gonna try to explore the city some. Last night I hit the card tables, and roulette. Darren freaked a little bit that I like roulette, mainly because it's probably the only game where the odds are completely random, and there's no skill involved. Pure luck.

His thing is craps, and i just don't understand that mess at all. Anyway, I came out $73 ahead, so I'm good.

I may even hit a music store. I'm always split on downloading vs. buying music. No political or personal convictions on it. Usually a matter of laziness. I've been digging the new Radiohead album for a little while, and I figure I may as well buy it. "Reckoner" is probably the best song on it. Probably that and the new Machine Head, and Between the Buried and Me's last one. That song I got from that Farewell To Freeway band I met before leaving Oakville is still in my head, surprisingly. I should probably see if I can find any of their shit as well.

I don't think it would kill The Human Abstract to release a new album either.

Maybe I'll try to hit up a local show or something as well.

I called Samantha last night, also. No answer. I'm sure she isn't happy that I took off. Our conversations have been mainly through text messaging, and usually only one way. I don't really know what to say to her, much less what to say about it here. I would like to say I wish she was here, and while I do mean that, I think it is more my emotional attachment speaking about it, than what I actually want. I will probably try again tonight.

In less depressing news, I saw this Mars Volta video on her MySpace. Their last album disappointed me. Quite a but actually. I'm all for experimental and progressive music, but I felt they dropped a lot of the music for progressive masturbation. I mean, you have to remember to put a song in there between all the intellectualism and indecipherable lyrics.

In any case, this song gives me hope. More precisely, their new drummer gives me hope.

All right, I'm hungry. Wonder if I can make some friends for the next couple days. If not, I can always hang out with Whiskey.

Peace.

holy shit...

2008-01-02T13:05:00.000-05:00

god damn...

fucking hell...

i wanted to just make a post consisting of exclamations of disbelief, but i can't think of any more.

but seriously, god damn.

so i finally broke out of Canada.

i visited a friend of mine who now lives in New York City. i got there the morning of the 29th, and was greeted by fucking cold temperatures, shots of Jack, and tickets to see Talib Kweli on the 30th.

i don't have a lot of background in hip hop, but i am into a fair amount, usually lyrical hip hop like Kweli and Common. Mos Def, all that scene. well, i also like some older, seemingly expected stuff like The Chronic and Ice Cube also. "Quality" is actually one of my favorite albums. in any case, i've never been to a hip hop show before, so i didn't know what to expect. i know the Roots are a band, but I don't know that Talib had ever performed with a band.

and he didn't, it was him and his DJ, in front of a New Year's 08 backdrop, done in the style of a lot of modern design (as in "happy new year's" written all over the wall in a big mess and in different languages). since it as just him and a DJ, i didn't expect the energy of the room to get as intense as it did. there's a lot of respect for anyone who can get an entire room simply at the sound of their voice.

i was impressed to say the least. and drunk. goddamn. the only thing is the no smoking in bars thing New York has. i just don't get it.

on the way out, Darren and I saw this:

classic.

we went to a "New Year's Eve Eve" party with friends of his afterwards, and proceeded to black out.

and then of course, there was New Year's Eve proper. like a million other people we made it to Times Square at about 8PM, flasks filled with whiskey to keep us warm. and a little baked.

i mean, i dunno what to really say. it was amazing. all the confetti like colored snow, the noise everywhere around me and coming from me....everything. so intense. for a moment, i almost forgot everything with Samantha, and I just let myself become enveloped by the moment.

The high of celebrating New Year's and all the mythology or gravity or whatever-you-want-to-call-it behind celebrating new beginnings completely convinced me that this trip was the best thing I've ever done, and gave me the final resolve to just go for it. why the fuck not, i was already miles away.

we didn't get back to a place with a bed till 6am. and i collapsed. Darren and I had been discussing the whole trip idea, (which incidentally, a lot of people seem to be into), and we kind of planned out a little journey for me.

well, really, just the next stop, and a potential goal or final destination.

so today, since I may as well support all of my vices while on this, I am headed for Atlantic City. to quote Ice Cube, "shake em up, shake em up, shake em up, shake em".

i'll write more when i get there.

"yeah, that's how it starts"

2007-12-28T20:58:00.000-05:00

my favorite line from Training Day.

well not my favorite, but most relevant.

i went to a show last night, to take my mind off of things. a bit of a farewell i suppose.
it was in Guelph, metal, metalcore bands. the usual (for me, locally anyway).

bought some merch from a band called Farewell to Freeway. music's all right, but i had ended up talking to one of them at the merch table after they played, and they all seemed like nice dudes so I figured I'd buy something.

afterwards, i headed to the N V Lounge, and a couple of them happened to be there. we did the whole "drunken new best friends bit" and I hung out long enough to meet up with the rest of the band elsewhere.

same shit that happens when any musicians get together over drinks. we talked about music. exchanged info, myspace, just got done recording, let me hear it, oh man, we should play together, blah blah blah etc., blackout.

well i don't know if blackouts usually happen, but they usually do when i'm out drinking and chatting. to me, anyway.

anyway, checking my email this afternoon, and one of them emailed me a song not bad. nothing like what i heard at the show, but i dig it.

anyway, the reason for the title of the post and movie reference, is that i am headed off to see my friend Darren in NYC. still not set on whether that will be the end or not, but at the very least, it would be cool to celebrate New Year's in New York, since the image of Times Square is almost synonymous.

i've said bye to everyone that needed to know.
let Sam know via text. was not happy with the response.

oh well.

Quod fiat, fiat.

(i'm not that smart, i saw it written on someone's myspace earlier and looked it up)

Oh, so you mean I actually have to plan it out....

2007-12-27T13:09:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of things on my mind right now.

First and foremost, I am wondering if I really want to go to New York. Being the way that I am, I decided I made the decision in a moment of emotional intensity. A moment of weakness in reason. Which means I am now wondering if that's what I really want to do.

OK, let me backtrack. Yes, I still want to go.
I guess what I am wrestling with now, is that if I go to New York, I don't think I am going to come back. Not right away, anyway.

But then it's like, do I have enough money? Where would I go? How would I get around?

It's not like I have an amazing car or anything. Just a Bonneville. I mean it works, but I don't know if I would trust it on a trip without a destination.

I got a decent amount of money for Christmas and graduation. Plus my regular savings, which I am usually pretty good with. But I wonder how far $5,000 (maybe more, maybe less) would really take me.

I don't even know why I even write about these things in here. It's not like I have a huge audience of people awaiting my every post with baited breath.

Sidenote: I looked up "baited breath" just now, as after I typed it, I wondered if it was an actual phrase. I swear I've heard it before, but it's like, while I know what it means, I don't know the origin, or if I even used it correctly. The more you know. *

Anyway, whatever. Headed to a show at the Vinyl tonight.
After that, it's farewell to Ontario.

* So I'm a nerd that likes etymology. Fuck off.

Merry Christmas, pt. 2

2007-12-25T14:53:00.000-05:00

OK, so i don't need to go into detail.

Well, maybe I do. I don't know. Either way ends up with "this is fucking ridiculous and this fucking sucks".

After the Rhett Miller show, last Wednesday, Sam and I got into another fight over the same jealousy bullshit. Except instead of jealousy over a girl, this time it was over a roadtrip.

Better yet, just the idea of one. One I haven't even taken yet. As much as I don't like Kerouac's writing style, after reading On The Road (and this blog's namesake before that), I find myself continually talking to myself and others about the romance of wanderlust. At least the romance I found in between his stream-of-consciousness rambling. I guess it strikes a chord with me since I've never left Ontario, as well as the usual young-pseudo-culturally-enlightened-adult's "no one understands me" mindset I have buried myself in. It is a sincere sentiment, despite my self-awareness of it. I mean, come on, I'm not THAT full of myself.

Anyway, throughout the course of the night, I was talking about how I need to get away from Ontario. Even if it was just for a weekend, just any amount of time to break away from everything in my life, to see if there is anything more, in the world or in me. You know, spiritual, new age stuff amplified and seemingly almost tangible by Canadian Club Whiskey.

She assumes I am saying I need to break away from her. Which, in one sense, in that she is part of my reiterating daily life, yes. But not in a personal way. Not in the way that she is the reason I feel I need to leave. I can understand how one would think that, but I would almost say that's a selfish way to look at it. I need to break away from her (as part of my life), not break up with her.

It's hard to explain, even harder when drunk. When one looks at things as objectively as I do, it's hard to bring an (i think) innocent but seemingly cold observation [all the things in my life are predictable, and it bores me] down to a point where it still makes sense in a sensitive person's subjective viewpoint [but i am part of your life, so that means I bore you, and you don't like me].

So we're arguing and she thinks I hate her, and asks why such a trip can't wait for her. I say she's still in school, so it's impractical for to take time off, and it's something I would want to do alone for my own good. Also, I might plan for a week but stay out for a month, taking everything as it comes. In any case, I stressed, it was just a thought I had, not a plan that was in motion.

She says the whole thing only made sense if I planned to cheat on her, and then I flipped out. I mean I flipped the fuck out.

After a long diatribe questioning the intelligence and merit of such an assertion, whatever I said must have hit some switch. I didn't even know she had it in her to slap me. Much less, slap me that hard.

None of us said a thing the rest of the night.

And it stayed that way until last Friday.

I have never been in a "separation" before. Not a break up, just "time apart". Funny, that after hitting me for wanting to spend time alone, she gives it to me. I don't even comprehend what the hell her reasoning is. How long is it supposed to last? What are the terms? Who ends it? Why did I even agree to it?

All I know, is that this is fucking ridiculous and this fucking sucks.

And, I leave for New York this weekend.

The Times

2007-12-23T13:01:00.001-05:00

They are a changin....

what a relevant song...

merry christmas

2007-12-21T13:20:00.000-05:00

my girlfriend wants to separate

Tonight...

2007-12-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

Rhett Miller

Horseshoe Tavern.

Beers.

and me.

see you there.

Speaking of which, tonight...

2007-12-18T16:42:00.000-05:00

yeah, leafs nation

this bird is flying to toronto

2007-12-18T13:09:00.000-05:00

So Rhett Miller is playing tomorrow in Toronto.

Yeah, I'm into that shit. A couple years back, Veal Chop gave me a copy of "The Instigator". It was all right.

I wasn't really into that kind of stuff, alt-country or whatever Veal called it. I had just started a kick of indie stuff (via a late introduction to At the Drive In), and Veal was/is some kind of indie fountain.

Anyway, Sam and I are going. Good times.

Labatt times.

I Am Chris

2007-12-17T05:44:00.000-05:00

I wonder if there's a way for the clarity of the morning after a drunken argument to manifest itself during the argument, as opposed to after, when there's a chance the argument leads to permanent consequences. I suppose it would we

As always, Sam and I are fine, apologetic, etc. We met up for a late lunch today, and spent the rest of the day as we usually do, happy. That's all that needs to be said there. This blog doesn't need to be anymore of a drama fest.

I just got home, and I'm listening to At The Gates. Seriously, the need to do some reunion shows here or in the States. The band is sick.

Um...guess I only have random thoughts here. I saw I Am Legend today. I think I was more psyched about the Dark Knight trailer than the movie. It wasn't bad, but the storyline is completely different from the book. I usually don't judge movies by the books they are based off of, as I understand the mediums are completely different, but I think this is the first time I've ever been disappointed by the translation. The whole reason for calling the story "I Am Legend" in the movie is the exact opposite of the book. Still, Will ("Welcome to Earth!") Smith
did a fine job.

I am tired as hell.

I always feel like I need to keep filling this out. Every sentence I type seems like I need to make
3 more to keep this interesting.

yeah, I'm drained.

I'll write more tomorrow.

So last night...

2007-12-15T14:29:00.000-05:00

Sigh.

Well, I graduated. I finally received the piece of pretty paper that now says to society I am an adult with potential to succeed. My potential to fail is assumed because I am young and a human being, but this paper encourages at least a second chance, my professors tell me.

I am happy about that.

What I am not happy about is last night turned out.
It started well enough, Sam and I met up with my family after the ceremony, had a late lunch, went back to my place, [censored], and got ready to meet friends as well as the night shift at the local dive.

Turns out, most of our people didn't make it, on account of the weather, which kinda bummed me out. It just ended up with 5 of us: myself, Sam, and our friends Andrew, Danielle, and Veal Chop*.

Long story short, we just drank and went through (what I'm sure is) the usual "What comes next?" conversations that happens after these things. Sam's still in school another year, and the others are already either moving or have begun their job search. I, on the other hand, have no idea. Sam never likes to hear that. She's the type that feels a script for life is absolutely necessary, even if it's just to keep everything random or to do nothing at all. If you are to do nothing, you must plan for nothing. One shouldn't attempt or risk anything they aren't positive they can achieve.

And hey, whatever, that's fine, but I'd much rather have my life come to me moment by moment. I am very much more interested in the means than the end of something. The journey towards any goal I have is always much more exciting than the goal. I know I talked about being psyched to graduate, but that's more because it opens up a whole new landscape of uncertainties, unpredictability, and all that shit. Fuck the victory, how did I run the race?

Anyway, I'm rambling. Later that night, Sam and I are sitting at the bar now, and she takes off to make a phone call. I'm reading a flyer for a show at the Guelph later this month and draining my 7th Labatt when the bartender comes by with a smile and a shot. She pours tequila. I hate tequila. It is the only shot I will refuse, even if offered. I take it anyway. It sucks.

As I'm coughing, Sam sits down, and asks "Why did she buy you a shot?". She did not sound happy, and a familiar sigh swelled inside as I said it was because I just graduated. I knew she had already made up her mind though.

And so, we got into a fight. Yelling without trying to be loud, all that shit. It happens everytime I get a shot from a girl bartender, even if the bartender gives one to her as well. She gets extremely jealous for reasons I don't even understand. I worked as a bartender when she met me, so I grew to know all the other bartenders in the area, most of which are female. To her, that translates to my having fucked all of them, before and after I met her. Or something, I don't even know. I do know it drives me fucking crazy.

And so we argue all the way home, shouting nonsense at each other; my trying to explain how it's just a shot, not a proposal, and her insistence that I was hitting on the girl when Sam left for the phone. Somehow, the argument turns to my not having plans after graduation, and

And whatever, she went off to her place and I to mine, too pissed and drunk to think straight. This happens way too often between us, and it's becoming absurd.

Absurd.

I can't tell right now if it's the alcohol or thinking about all of that that's making my head hurt worse right now.

Ugh, I need food.

////

*trust me, the name "Veal Chop" is way more interesting than the story of how he got the name...

Today...

2007-12-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

...is amazing.

whoooooo whiskey

2007-12-13T01:16:00.000-05:00

that';s all

I don't know what to title this one...

2007-12-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

Went out for a few drinks last night with Samantha and the rest.
Came back after having a few extra.
Going back tonight, for just a couple more.

It's going to be a little harder than I thought trying to keep this thing updated. Actually no, keeping it relevant is what I mean. Like starting anything new, I lived the whole life of what I imagined this blog would be in the time it took to sign up for it. It's all romantic, all exciting. So today, just one day later, I almost forgot I even started it.

Ha, and so I sat here for like 10 minutes trying to think of where to take that thought. Aaaaand it's gone, and so am I.

also, this...

Haha what the fuck? Who the hell was filming?

One small step, eh...

2007-12-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

So I've decided to start this blog.

Of course, I have no idea who'll even read this, but what the hell. Times, they are a-changing. Come writers and critics. Etcetera.

I'm Chris.

First, i need to mention that I'm graduating this Friday, and I'm fucking stoked. Be stoked with me. I've been studying Journalism (for those curious) at Sheridan Institute, and I am way too anxious to wrap this up. I need to get the hell out of here. I've been in Canada all my life, never once stepping foot onto any foreign soil.

I need a break, I need a change, I just need some different air to breathe.

Of course, where I'd like to go has some issues with where I can afford to go.
And I've got a girlfriend. (don't kill me Sam ;D). I've got one hell of an itch though.

A friend recently turned me on to Kerouac. What the hell. The dude writes like my puppy pisses (all over the place). Corny, whatever. It's true. He's got the right idea, though. Whatever I think of his writing style, he's completely convinced me that I need to get out of here, and soon. Yeah, I'm about to graduate, and should probably follow the script and get a job, but what the fuck, I'm only 23, I have the rest of my life to be boring.

Hell, I haven't even toured with any of the bands I've been in. I've got friends in bands who are doing all right (some more than others), but every one of them have managed to make it at least to some other place in Canada. Some to the States as well. I thought i was gonna be close with my last band, but the drummer moved to go to school in Minnesota. Dick.

That's his name, actually :)

Anyway, right now, I'm just focused on graduating. More precisely, I'm focused on what I'll be drinking after graduating.

Later.